3 things I've noticed about myself now

Recently, I participated in a work planning and performance course, and realised a few things about myself as a result. Mostly, that I have changed quite a bit in the last 10 months. These are not sad things. They are just things.

1. I'm not passionate about anything, anymore, and I used to be. Once upon a time I had firm opinions about the place of books and literacy in libraries, and I would have sweary thoughts about how libraries use social media, and I very much believed that there was a huge difference between 'leaders' and 'managers'. But then sometimes I had feelings about brands of chocolates, and the best ratio of jam to peanut butter on bread, so maybe "passion" is overrated. One thing I do know, though, is that these days I don't have a motivator. There isn't anything that "inspires" me to get up in the morning and give my best all of the time. I get up out of habit and self-will. But I am getting up.

2.  I have the best work/life balance I've ever had. Ironically, I've never been less engaged in work. It is just a job. Once, that would have worried me. Now, I'm finding that it's okay, and it very likely makes me normal. It doesn't mean that I don't give the job everything I've got while I'm there. I do, because I have a very strong work ethic. But I leave it there when I go home at the end of the day. It's my new thing.

3. Working in libraries used to be a vocation for me. I truly thought that it was what I was called to do. I think I did well. But it doesn't define me, any more. Nor do I let it consume me. I'm still figuring out what the next step will be. And that's okay, too.

 Overall: I'm doing okay.

Top 3 books with unusual titles I'm reading/will be reading

“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
  ― Mark Twain

I have an absurd fondness for unusual book titles. I blame my parents, and Gerald Durrell. My parents blame my odd sense of humour. Which, quite frankly, is the pot calling the kettle black. Whichever it is, titles like The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time are the Betty Crocker's chocolate icing on the cake that is my life. (I've never believed that you can't have your cake and eat it, too, because what is the point of cake otherwise?).  While I'm on the topic of Haddon's The Curious Incident..., I saw the movie of the play of the book (yes, stop and think about it, it's a little bit meta, really) on the weekend with friends (in Newmarket at the Rialto). FTW! I'll post about that at some point later next week. Today's post is a simple collection of 3 somewhat unusually named books that I'm in the middle of reading OR have on my to-be-read list. Go me.

Please note: I'm not reviewing these, simply listing what I'm going to read/am trying to read. After almost two years of not being able to focus enough to read (let's not even talk about the nausea and headaches that used to cause. That should have been a sign that something was off-kilter, but when the doctor suggested depression I seriously told him "I don't have time to be depressed! It must be something else!"), I'm taking it a day at a time just re-discovering books, and finding what I like. One day, I might actually review something. But for now, this works for me.

While I'm on the topic of unusual book titles, tell me the weirdest ones you've read! And check this list out but, be warned, it's NSFW (not safe for work). Or humanity, really: Humorous, Strange, or Downright Shocking Titles (Goodreads list).

The last 3 clear things I remember before life got crazy

1. 6 October 2012 in Toronto. This date is important. As is the place. It was the last time I remember feeling truly happy, settled in my own skin, excited about family, work, and life in general. I had plans of taking up music again, upskilling my French enough to look at a holiday in Paris, and making a serious resolution to work less and find a hobby for the first time in years. My last 3 clear memories before life was just tiredness and sadness all lead back to 6 October 2012 in Toronto.

2. The last book I remember reading and genuinely enjoying was The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. If "enjoying" is the right term. I remember picking it up on sale at Indigo and lazily thinking "Hmm, could be a good read." I read most of it overnight under my blanket while using my phone as a flashlight. I cried like my heart was breaking, and Natalie slept unmoving in her bed on the other side of the room. I remember being so desperately careful not to wake her with my sobbing. (It wasn't until the next morning I realised that she had slept with headphones on and that my worry was for nothing). I got up the next morning, showered, dressed for the day, and finished it off. I had moved the divan so that I sat with the curtains open, sun shining on Toronto, traffic piling up below, and me sitting with my feet tucked up under me. It was a good time to be free.

3. I remember being back at home two days after my return from Toronto, sitting around in pyjamas, moodily staring out the window feeling dissatisfied, and unhappy with everything. After years of having a fairly solid idea of who I was/where I was going, suddenly I didn't have either - no purpose, and no meaning.

These are the last 3 clear things I remember before life got crazy.

Top 3 books I'm reading this month (ostensibly for book club but really just because)

“What's the point of having a book club if you don't get to eat brownies and drink wine?”
― Jami Attenberg, The Middlesteins

So, I left my last job, did a bit of contract work, found out I had chronic fatigue and depression and cataracts (yes, I'll be blogging about those, too, at some point), slept for 5 months, got bored, decided to see if I still had much love for libraries, and found I did. At least until the next big adventure beckons. Which means what, for you? Basically, that I'm back blogging and invading all of your online spaces. Who could ask for anything more? (Rhetorical question. Don't answer). Here on the blog, I'll be posting lists in threes about things geeky, fangirlish, bookish, etc, for two reasons: 1) at the heart of everything I love lists and 2) because I can. Basically.

I'm back in libraries on the front desk recommending books like a fiend and, for the first time in a long time, one of the things I have time for is joining a book club. To be specific, Manukau Library's Book Chat (more info here). And these are the top 3 books I'm reading for our next get-together. Comments, as always, are more than welcome. Let's get to it!